A scratch away from insanity

Not dead and not dying.

Just straightening up my life.

I was talking online with my friend today, and some lines into the conversation, I noticed I did something strange. My brain wasn’t writing what I told it to write. This is what I ended up saying: Without coming back even months? (instead of “once”) & Wanting money to go on trees won’t make them go on trees. (used “go” instead of “grow” twice, plus the grammar mistake).

The day before he pointed out that I was confusing n’s with m’s. I knew I had the tendency to do so and pressed one instead of the other, but I’d notice immediately and correct it, only that this time it didn’t even catch my attention. So I had to tell him.  

I’ve been like this for 3 years now. Started with losing the ability to name things. Then I lost the ability to talk about actions, form words, coherent sentences or finish sentences for that matter. At first I thought it was because I was under a lot of stress since I started college. But now my brain won’t do what I tell it to do. Instead of the letters I want to press, I press others, I change words completly to other similar sounding words. The only disease I found that is remotely similat to this is aphasia. Though mine isn’t from a head injury or stroke, brain tumor seems more likely since it developed slowly. I’m hoping that, if I do have aphasia, it won’t be because of dementia (relatives on my father’s side are known to have this). I have sufficient illnesses and things wrong with me, that the posibility of having a brain tumor leaves me completly unimpressed and apathetic.

I’d get scanned before the end of the year, but I’m lazy.